Pink Ribbon: True Account of Events at Nibelheim
by Scripta Lexicona
Summary: Why did Sephiroth really go insane? What really caused Cloud's vegetative state? What the heck is wrong with Zack? Warning - complete and total crack. Rated for somewhat morbid humor.


AN: Please don't beat me too severely for this one... It started out as a drawing I did and then it began to write itself in my head and wouldn't leave me alone... More _Last Order_ inspired than _Crisis Core_. And, of course, as mentioned in the summary, complete and total crack.

Disclaimer: Square's, Square's, and Master's Nomuraaaaaa's**  
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**Pink Ribbon:**

**A True Account of the Events of Nibelheim**

He couldn't get the pink ribbon out of his mind. It had been haunting him ever since he saw it sitting innocuously on the night table. _He_, who fearlessly faced down every threat he'd ever come across. _He_, the strongest, fastest, and most skilled person on the planet. _He_, the highest-ranking officer of the army of the most powerful corporation in the world. _He_ was being disturbed by a pink ribbon.

His trepidation had grown now that it was gone. That could only mean one thing – soon matters would come to a head. If only he'd taken it and destroyed it when he first saw it. Now, his only course of action was to hide.

So preoccupied were his thoughts that he neglected to unplug the hotplate that had warmed his dinner (a bowl of soup). No, Sephiroth didn't notice his mistake as he hastened out of the inn and up to the ShinRa mansion. Unfortunately, his oversight had rather disastrous results. The hotplate malfunctioned, causing an electrical fire which quickly consumed the building. As the townspeople attempted to put out the blaze, a freak windstorm rose up. In a single night, the entire mountain town of Nibelheim was consumed by flames, including, tragically, most of the people.

One person who was _not_ killed was a girl with long brunette hair who had earlier in the day acted as a guide for General Sephiroth and his companions. She was one of the people who tried so desperately to contain the fire and it was she who realized that the blaze had been caused by the General's hotplate. When it became apparent that the conflagration was completely unmanageable, she'd stormed off to find Sephiroth and demand reparations. (Surely ShinRa had excellent insurance coverage.)

She eventually tracked him to the mansion and prepared to confront him. However, as she descended a flight of stairs she misplaced her foot and ended up tumbling down them, knocking herself unconscious. This was the state in which she remained until the next day, therefore missing the events that followed.

Sephiroth, as previously stated, was aware of none of this. Plagued by the prospect of the pink ribbon, he'd gone to the mansion and was currently hiding in the basement. There he'd begun to look around and came across a project, something ShinRa had apparently been keeping secret. He'd gone in out of curiosity but what he found had captured his attention.

He was so absorbed, in fact, that he never heard the figure that glided up stealthily behind him. Neither did he notice when that figure gently took his hair.

What he finally _did_ notice was the giggle that the figure let escape. He spun around and found himself face-to-face with the person he'd hopelessly been trying to avoid.

"Zack…."

"Hey, Sephy!" The dark-haired, blue-eyed man waved a hand cheerily, bouncing excitedly on his toes. "I've been looking for youuuu. I brought you somethiiiiing…." Zack grinned and pointed at Sephiroth then gestured at his own back. Slowly, the dread building in his stomach, Sephiroth reached back and touched his hair. Unlike when he normally brushed a hand through it, the mass moved as one unit, like it was caught together. Apprehensively, he drew it over his shoulder. What met his eyes was a long silver plait and tied at the end … the pink ribbon.

Zack squealed happily and clapped his hands. "Perfect! It looks great, just like I thought. Don't you think so, too?" The young SOLDIER was so wrapped up in his delight that he didn't notice Sephiroth was still staring at the ribbon, unmoving.

There was no way he could have known that he'd tread upon a very old and deep-seeded insecurity, something Sephiroth had always had doubts about. He'd known he was different from those around him ever since he was old enough to know anything, but he'd tried not to dwell on it, instead built himself into a powerful and respected man. And any time he _did_attempt to broach the subject, those idiots at ShinRa brushed it aside, insisting it was his image, it was important. But always, always at the back of his mind was that one thing and it suddenly swelled up and consumed him. All rationality was lost with this overwhelming surge and only one thought filled his mind.

He raised his head to look at Zack whose expression froze when he saw the madness swirling in the depths of his friend's jade eyes. Zack's own blue-grey eyes spoke of his absolute confusion.

When Sephiroth spoke, his voice was low and eerily emotionless. "I thought I could trust you, Zack. But you're just like them. They all think I'm different. Well I'm not _different_. I'm _special_. I am _unique_. And I _do not__have girly hair_!"

Zack gaped in shock at Sephiroth's speech. "Seph, I never … I didn't mean … I just thought you would look pretty. I mean, handsome?" He tried for a grin but Sephiroth was no longer listening. With a movement faster than Zack could track, Sephiroth unsheathed the Masamune, striking the other SOLDIER with the flat of the blade as he drew it. The impact flung Zack off of his feet to tumble through the air and land painfully among a group of confinement cells. Unable to move, Zack could only watch the next events in horror.

Sephiroth turned back to the object he'd been studying when Zack found him. It was a figure of a woman held in a containment cell, the word "JENOVA" inscribed on a plaque over her forehead. _This_was what Sephiroth had always been searching for, the perfection he'd always _deserved_ to attain. _This_was the hairstyle he wanted.

A barber. Yes, he needed to find a barber immediately. But how could he show the style he wanted? He didn't have a camera…. In a flash of pure inspiration, Sephiroth used the Masamune to break the glass of the cell and then cut the creature's head off. This would work. Now to find a barber.

As Sephiroth started to leave, his eyes fell upon a previously unnoticed person standing in the room. It was one of the guards they'd taken with them. The silver-haired man was filled with a sudden rage that someone so lowly had seen his humiliation. Changing course, he stalked towards the boy.

Cloud Strife had left Nibelheim when he was only fourteen to join ShinRa's SOLDIER program. His intention had been to someday be like the hero of the Wutai War, General Sephiroth.

To Cloud's disappointment, he hadn't made SOLDIER but he had managed to catch the attention of 1st Class Zack Fair, with whom he became friends. It was due to this friendship that Cloud was selected as one of the guards to accompany Zack and General Sephiroth on a mission to Nibelheim. Despite his reticence to return home as anything less than a SOLDIER, Cloud was still excited and honored to be part of a mission with his hero.

When the fire had started and Tifa took off for the mansion, Cloud had followed, curious as to where she would be going at such a time and concerned for her safety. He found her in the basement, unconscious at the bottom of a flight of steps and hurried to check on her. Looking up, he caught sight of Zack's back and went to him to enlist his aid.

However, when he drew close enough to see what Zack was doing, his steps faltered. His best friend was _braiding_ Sephiroth's hair. Sephiroth, his idol, the war hero, the most powerful man – as far as Cloud knew – on the entire _planet_. The most reserved, confident, and respect-demanding person alive. And he was having his hair braided and tied with a pink ribbon.

This was about the time that poor Cloud's brain simply checked out. Reality was too much to deal with so his mind stepped away from it and he was not in a state of lucidity for a long, long time.

Sephiroth knew none of this, nor would he have cared if he had. He was beyond caring. All he saw was an inferior subordinate who'd dared to witness his dishonor. He raised the Masamune against the boy and ran him through, disregarding Zack's yells. The boy subconsciously gripped the blade and slumped to the floor, impaled by seven feet of shining metal.

Satisfied, Sephiroth concentrated once more on his plan to find a barber. But the best one he knew that worked for ShinRa had died years before. Who could he use now?

And that's when inspiration struck a second time. _The Lifestream_. It was right underneath his feet. He would go and find the deceased barber and get his hair cut, finally looking the way someone of his consequence should. He'd show them _all_.

With a grin, he clutched the head and jumped in.

Unfortunately, Sephiroth never did succeed in his plan, which is only to be expected when the plan is laid by someone who has completely and utterly flipped his lid, intelligent though he might be. His failure caused him, a few years later, to attempt to destroy the planet and do away with anyone who had ever thought he had girly hair. But that is another story.

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_Sephiroth: There is something very wrong with you._

_Zack and Cloud nod._

_Me: Hey, to be fair, you have, like, the most gorgeous hair ever and you never do anything with it! Not even a ponytail or something._

_Sephiroth: -scary look-_

_Me -tiny voice-: Please don't stab me. _

Originally written 14 Feb. '08


End file.
